Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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