You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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