Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
they're like a gay fantastic four
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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