I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
