Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
