I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
