do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
