but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
