I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
