That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
