You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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