I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i think my mom watched the whole time
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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