terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
