she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
