the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
