Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
do nipples grow back?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
