He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
