so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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