I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
