um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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