Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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