I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
