Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
