when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize