Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
