i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
