I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
