my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
