This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
