Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
