He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
