if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
