i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
