omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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