No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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