I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize