I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
