I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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