My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize