Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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