she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
