I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
