first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
