So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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