I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
