sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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