Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize