Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Found your dick twin last night
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
