My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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