You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
