a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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