i just wanna soil my oats bro
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
