hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
