ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
