so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
