Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
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