shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize