I can text with my tongue
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
