there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
