now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
