I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
