I'm passing your future prison.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
