It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
