Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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