You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Dear god my vagina.
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