my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
