someone get that fucking seahorse.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
