K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
ok first of all what the fuck
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
