So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize