Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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